The Lonely
by manga 4 Life8P
Summary: Soul's killed on a mission & Maka blames herself; but kid helps her. Ugh, bad summary; the story is better. KXM story
1. Chapter 1

**The Lonely**

**By: Manga 4 Life8P**

Hai! Thank you for coming this far! So I shall tell you readers that I wrote this first chapter based sorta on the song _The Lonely _by Christina Perri; if you haven't heard the song, YOU MUST! So anyways, Enjoy! :3 8P

OH! I will say now: I don't own Soul Eater or any songs mentioned throughout the chapters; they ALL belong to those who wrote it! (Not that y'all didn't know that)

Maka's POV

It's all my fault; I was stuck in the middle of the track like a deer in headlights. He shouldn't have saved me. He should've let me be run over by the speeding and steaming locomotive. Then he wouldn't be dead. This is my worst sin; the worst guilt I'll ever have.

These are the things that I've thought about every night since _that day._

I look at my clock: 2 a.m.

Where do I begin? Are there any tears left? I feel that I can't cry anymore; all tears have been exposed to my outer face. My face is numb, my eyes sting and are red and puffy, my nose is stuffed up from all of my tears, and my skin is soaked along with my pillow.

My room only consisting of the silence of loneliness; it suffocates me everywhere I go. No book could ever save me from this feeling. There's no escape.

I'm not who I used to be; not striefing for excellence, not always in a book, I no longer fracture a person's skull every time they piss me off. It's only the outer shell that is me, not the emotional inner parts of me. Or at least not what I used to be.

They've tried to save me; they being my usual group of friends: Kidd, Liz, Patty, Black*Star, and Tsubaki. I always end up pushing away at all their attempts. There is no use to try to pull me out of the pit of depression

_Loneliness is all there is. _

Normal POV

"Hey Maka, did you sleep last night?" Tsubaki came over.

"No I didn't sleep; I couldn't." Maka replied.

"You're starting to worry me Maka, you haven't slept, haven't eaten, you're no longer 1st in your exams anymore. You're not yourself anymore." Tsubaki replied in a shaken and sad manor. "You don't think I don't know that? Gosh if I could sleep, I would. If I could eat, I would. I just can't! I can't. I opened the door to my heart and the loneliness poured in and filled the cavity to its max. I don't deserve sleep after what I caused last month. I don't deserve happiness! The only thing I do deserve is poverty or death!" Maka yelled with teary eyes

"Do NOT say that EVER again Maka Albarn! It wasn't your fault! Soul was only doing his job as a weapon, which is to PROTECT you. A weapon's oath is to protect their meister no matter what the situation. Us weapons would die for our meisters and that's just what Soul did. So STOP blaming yourself!" Tsubaki shouted back.

At this point, students within the hallway were watching the two friends yell at each other. That is until Kidd and Black*Star came along to help out.

"Everybody just get to class, its none of your business." Kidd said in a tone of authority.

"Yeah, your true godliness is here to save the day!" Black*Star shouted out to the fellow classmates.

"What's going on over here? One second I'm at my locker the next I hear shouting coming from down the hall." Kidd questioned. "It's Maka, she hasn't slept again and hasn't eaten at all." Tsubaki said. Kidd looked over to Maka, "Seriously Maka? If you keep this up you're going to die!" Maka replied "I should. I don't deserve to live! I don't Kidd! So stop worrying, stop trying to help me! I deserve to die after what I made happen to soul!"

At this point she was crying. She shrank down the wall till she was sitting. "It's all my fault. I only feel loneliness; but I question sometimes, can the loneliness take the place of Soul? Is it? Am I just using loneliness to replace him. Every night I might sing a lullaby or dance in the dark empty room of my soul, but nothing helps. _Loneliness is all there is._" She sobbed "I don't know who I am anymore!"

Kidd slowly bent down and lifted Maka off the ground; he looked at her and said "It's not your fault and I don't think Soul thought of it that way either. So stop blaming yourself."

A tear slid down Maka's cheek; Kidd instantly felt scared for what would happen next. "You just don't get it." Maka sadly replied in a soft voice in which after she ran in the other direction crying.

_You just don't get it._

__

Maka POV

I ran until I reached my apartment. I was hyperventilating and crying. I went into my apartment, but with hesitation.

I walked throughout the apartment until I came up to Soul's room. The door was shut because I couldn't stand to look into it after _that day._ I walked up to the door and had my hand on the handle, but I couldn't bare to open it for what may be waiting within it for when I opened the door.

I stared at the ground and tears escaped my ducts once again. I fell onto my knees and broke down. "I miss you so much Soul! If only you were here! If only you had let me be the one who was run over. Then you'd be alive! It's all my fault." I cried even harder. The guilt is unbearable.

_Loneliness is all there is_

*a few hours later*

I was laying in bed; I ate a piece of bread and a glass of water but afterwards I felt as if I'd eaten thanksgiving feast. I stared out the window with emotionless eyes.

_Soul, _I thought in my head _I'm slowly replacing you with loneliness; it's suffocating me and it's taking over my heart. See what we did to each other? I killed you and you made me an emotional mess, I don't know who I am anymore._

I soon fell asleep although I wish I hadn't.

I found myself running with Soul. We were running away from some witches that we were assigned to kill as an extracurricular. We took it on because we already have our 99 human souls and one witch soul would turn Soul into a death scythe.

Our only failure is, is that we never looked into how powerful these witches were, and now were paying for it.

All of a sudden, a witch came speeding up beside us. She shot us with one of her powerful spells, but before she could kill us, Soul dodged it and pushed me forward along with him. I was rolling until I came stopped upon a railroad track. Soul rolled a little before the track.

Next thing I knew, I saw bright lights glistening at me. I heard the roaring engine; I just…couldn't move. I saw Soul in the corner of my eye, he was starting to stand up. _Shit, _I thought to myself, _don't get up, don't save me, SAVE YOURSELF SOUL! _ But it was too late, he ran and pushed me off the track but he didn't fall ahead of the track with me, instead he landed on it.

I rolled down the road and watched as my partner got ran over by the locomotive. All of his bones crushing in their sockets as tons of steel metal glide over them forcing great pressure; his organs getting pierced by the shattered remains of his bones. I saw blood spurting out from beneath the train and that's when I knew he was dead.

"SOOUULLL!" I screamed, awakening only to realize that it was only a nightmare. I started to cry; against my wishes, my brain made me relive that horrible night once again.

"It's all my fault!" I cried. _Loneliness is all there is._

I sat there for the rest of the night with my knees to my chest. By the time it was time to get ready for school, I had dark circles under my eyes and I had tremors throughout my body.

Another night without sleep, I'm sure to get another lecture from Tsubaki and Kidd. But who cares? I deserve it anyways.

Normal POV

Kidd noticed Maka walking down the hallway shaking.

"What the hell happened to you?" Kidd questioned.

"It's been a LONG night and I don't want to talk about it." Maka responded in a rather harsh manner.

"Damn it Maka, how much sleep did you get last night? You have circles under your eyes and you're trembling." Kidd questioned. "I don't know how much sleep I got. Maybe like, 5 minutes? But anyways, I don't want to talk about it!" Maka replied.

She thought about what happened last night and tears started to form in her eyes. She was once before not wanting to go to sleep but now she was terrified to sleep in fear of reliving the horrible nightmare. She turned around and continued to walked.

Kidd ran up and spun her around by her shoulder, "There's something you're not telling me. And it seems to me that whatever it is, is leaving you terrified."He looked at her with worried eyes. He noticed her tears, her terrified eyes; he needs to help her.

He wrapped his arms around her small, fragile, and shaky body. "I can't stand to see you looking like that and I won't be able to help you if you don't tell me what's scaring you."

Maka raised her arms up onto Kidd's back and set her head on his shoulder, "I can't tell you" she began to cry.

_I don't deserve help; not after what I caused. I don't deserve anything but the depression and loneliness. Poverty is my way of repenting for what I did to Soul, and I shall forever be atoning for the rest of my time alive, however long that'll be._

So that wraps up this chapter! I hope ya liked it and let me know what you think of this chapter and whether or not I should add on or not. I have a TON of ideas for future chapters so.

OH and thank you SO much for reading this story and making it this far; I TRULY appreciate you reading of story! :3 8P Manga 4 Life8P is OUT (haha that was bad…just bad)


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back! My deep apologies for not writing. I have 5 million and one excuses but all I will say for now is that I have so much crap to do every day and I've only now had the time to write. I wanna notify you that I'm changing the story a little and I'm not making this chapter a songfic but I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Maka's POV:

Average day, average life. Well as much as you could consider "average".

I feel emotionless now; like I've cried all the tears I have. I don't express any of my feelings and emotions on the outside, but that makes no exception of what I feel inside. Inside, I feel sad, guilty, depressed, angry, etc. Recently, the top-most feeling I've had is anger; anger for allowing myself to kill Soul.

If I could, I'd hit myself to no end, but even that wouldn't be enough. Maybe stab a million knives into myself, let my body bleed out my life. Burn myself till I've burned off all my skin and burned away my ugly, blackened heart.

But….No, I don't deserve even that gift of death.

I deserve a death so horrid, so painful, so….ugly that not even the worst of kishins could match up to it.

I don't know why my friends still bother to hang around and care about the person who killed their friend. I'm not worthy of them. And yet, they still pay attention to me.

They've cared for me in my sadness days; force fed me when I refused to feed myself. Made me drink water when I didn't allow myself one drop. They even found a way to make me sleep when my nightmares allowed me not.

The one thing they couldn't get me to do though, is enjoy school and reading again.

I still barely pass my tests; I'm no longer top-of-class, that position belongs to Ox Ford. I no longer read 6 books at once; you'd be lucky to even see me with one.

The only thing I attempt to do is finish school. I get up and go to school, attend all mandatory classes, then leave to go back home.

I've done this every day for the past month. Make no exception to today.

I enter DWMA and notice the gang hanging around the entrance. Most likely waiting for me to make sure I'm not attempting to do something as (what they'd consider) irrational as become a kishin. They won't allow me that.

Tsubaki starts to approach me, "Hey Maka, how you feeling today?"

I respond in my emotionless tone, "Empty, nothingness, like I have for a while."

"Well, it's better than being depressed and sad." She says in a happy-ish tone.

Oh how I envy her optimism.

I know they think I'm overreacting to what happened to Soul. I know that they are also sad for his death. I know they say it wasn't my fault. But I don't understand how they're able to just return to normal, everyday life, like nothing happened.

"I guess." I tell her.

After that, we walk to Stein's class where he announces we'll be doing partner dissections.

I end up getting paired up with Kid.

He's always been nice to me. He's been especially nice around now times, after Soul's death. He'll always come around my apartment every now and then to make sure I haven't killed myself. When the group decides to go somewhere fun, Kid's the one to come and drag me out of my apartment.

We've always been close. I've been friends with him for as long as I can remember. But we weren't as close once we started training at the DWMA.

We grew a little more apart after he met Liz and Patty. A little more after Soul came along.

I remember the day I met Soul.

It was after me and Kid had started at the DWMA. We were about a half a year into our first year. We were walking around the halls searching to where each hallway went, searching for secret passages. Kid told me that even though his father was the one that ran the school, he didn't get to visit the school all that often.

We were venturing down one hallway when we started to hear some noise coming from one of the classrooms.

"Dammit!" I heard a male voice yell.

All of a sudden I heard a crashing noise as if someone had dropped something glass.

"Ow, Shit." Another male voice said.

"Great, you broke it dumbass!" he said again.

Kid leaned over to me "We'll, from what I inference, whoever they are are both destructive and have foul mouths." I heard him whisper.

I couldn't help but let my curiosity set in, so I approached the doorway.

"You're the one who broke it! Great look at my arm. Dammit, that cut is deep." The second guy voiced.

"Man you should get a Band-Aid on that; it doesn't look too good." The first guy said.

"Ya think? Damn! Then why don't we just go skip down to the office and get one why don't we? Shit what are we gonna do with this? Stein is going to murder us!" The second one yelled.

_Jeez, _I think to myself _Kid sure was right about the foul mouth._

"Going to murder you, I didn't break it." The first guy said.

"Yes you did dipshit. Dammit help me clean this up; then we're leaving." The second guy said sounding pissed off.

When I was just about at the doorway I stumbled and bumped into the wall. _Shit! _I think to myself _I hope they didn't hear me!_

"Soul did you hear that?" The first guy asked.

"Yeah. I did. I'm going to go see who's there. You finish cleaning this up!" The guy, presumably Soul, said.

_Dammit, they did._ I think. I turn around to Kid, _What do I do?_

He looks at me, _I don't know! _"Come here!" he whispers.

I turn and start to hurry by him when—

"Hey! You there! What do you think you're doing?" Soul shouts out to me.

Before I have time to turn around, Kid answers for me "That's something we could ask you." He says.

I turn around and look at Soul. White hair, crimson eyes, and a long gaping cut in his forearm bleeding immensely.

I couldn't help but gape at his arm.

He notices me staring at his arm and covers the cut with his other arm. "Stop with the staring and answer me."

"Chill dude, we were walking around the halls and came across you and your friend destroying the room and she tripped. It gives you no right to start yelling at her!" Kid yelled.

I turned to look at him and suddenly he was right behind me.

"Look, why don't we go our separate ways and pretend this never happened." I compromised.

"Fine!" Kid and Soul said in unison.

And we went our separate ways. But not before Kid could whisper under his breath "Asshole"

I ran into him the next day in Stein's class when I bumped into him.

"Hey watch it." He said harshly.

"Sorry" I responded.

"Oh it's you. Didn't know we were in the same class." He said with an angry glint in his eyes.

"I say the same. What happened to your arm last night?" I questioned.

"I cut it, dumbass. It's fine now." He said and pulled up his jacket sleeve to show me his arm, which had a bandage on it.

I couldn't help but laugh at him, "I don't think I'm the dumbass here." I said, smacking his arm away.

"Hey, I never asked your name." He asked.

"Maka Albarn, meister. You?" I asked.

"Soul Eater, Scythe." He told me.

"Well," I said shaking his hand "Nice to meet you Soul….I can't help asking but do you have a meister?" I questioned him.

"No." He responded.

"I would've thought you did. You seem like the type of person with a bunch of friends." I suggested.

"Well, you thought wrong. I only have that idiot for a friend." He said pointing to a boy with crazy blue hair.

"Honestly?" I questioned, "Him? That guy's your friend?" I couldn't believe out of all people, he'd be friends with that dipshit called by the name of Black*Star.

"Sadly, yes. I don't know how I've put up with him all these years…" He trailed off. "You've already asked me, so now I'm going to ask you; do you have a weapon?" He asked.

I took his question in partial shock, I didn't really think he'd care; but I answered him "Um…No."

"Really, I would've thought that guy with you last night was. That guy with the black hair and stripes." He said.

"What? No no no-" I started before Kid came up behind me and interrupted.

"Me and Maka? No, we're both meisters." He said as his weapons Liz and Patty came down by his side.

I didn't know what gave Soul the impression that Kid and I were partners. I mean sure we hang around each other a lot but surely he would've noticed that we don't do training together. Like, I don't even go to training; only meisters with weapons go to training.

I kept on running into Soul after that.

We'd talk, sometimes hangout. I guess you could consider us friends from this point on.

There was one time in class, in which, everybody had to have a partner and if we didn't, Stein would pair up a meister and a weapon. I was no exception to this.

Shockingly, I ended up with Soul.

We were working on soul resonance and some training techniques.

But never did I, or probably Soul, expect for our wavelengths to match up perfectly. We worked through the exercises flawlessly. After practice, Stein came up to us and asked, "Are you two partners?"

_Well, _I said to myself _of course not. You're the one who paired us up. _

"No." Soul and I said together.

"Well," Stein started "I would like for you two to start working together."

And so we did.

Soul and I went on missions and trained together. After a while, since we were partners, Soul moved into my apartment. Soul and I performed flawlessly on missions, never failing one.

Well….there is one. The last mission we went on. The last one Soul would ever go on. Because of me.

I'm so useless. I failed the mission, Soul, and Shinigami. You might as well count in my Black*Star, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, and Kid. I'm so incapable. I was supposed to kill those damn witches and ended up killing Soul instead. I should just die. I'm shouldn't live on anymore. I'm a sad waste of life now. It's all my fault.

I just need to-

_BAM!_

All of a sudden I was shocked out of my trance and noticed everybody was staring at me.

Well, not at me; but at the tray with the specimen that I was supposed to be dissecting.

So I look at what the rest of the people in the room are looking at and look down and notice one of my hands on top of the other clenched into a fist that are both on top of the specimen.

I remove my top hand to notice the scalpel has been driven through my hand, through the specimen, and into the tray. I notice the blood dripping onto the tray.

"D-damn" I stutter.

I look up and at my friends to see them all gasping. But out of all, I notice Kid is looking most horrified.

I look back at my hand and instead of taking the scalpel out of my hands, I take my hand off the scalpel, ripping it off of the tray. I stare back up to the class and stutter out "I….I'm sorry."

And I race out of the room, not knowing, what I did, what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to go.

**Well, that wraps up that chapter. Sorry again for taking forever to add more. I hoped you liked it! Manga 4 Life8P signing out.**


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